This is a very good piece of writing. You have really nailed the Cohesion and Coherence area. Your writing is logically organised and flows well. You have excellent arguments which are extended and supported. Perhaps you could extend your conclusion a little more though.
A few little language things to continuing working on. For example below you should not use a comma to separate the clause that follows.
....is the fact that, face to face interactions...
Review further examples of this structure in this activity if you wish.